The Search for a Meaning: Back to Square 1
“I thought I would figure it out and make all my dreams come true when I turned 30 y.o”
This year I turned 30 y.o and I feel like I am back to square 1, yes to square 1. I’m exploring to find a new job and starting out my dream to connect more Indonesian talented students to the world to get global exposure.
Quitting my comfortable job and I sometimes wondering why I chose harder path when everything was convenient.
In November last year, I made a huge decision to quit my job at Meyer Food, even though it had become much less hectic than when I first started. Both financially and in terms of workload, it had been pretty comfortable, particularly during the six months before I left. What’s interesting is that I didn’t choose to leave during times of mental and physical turmoil; rather, I decided to resign when everything was running smoothly. It was bittersweet (and I felt touched as my team was crying knowing my decision). I quit when I felt I needed greater room for my growth.
My initial determination to find technical Co-Founder turned out not something that I needed yet at my current stage as I prefer to see commercial values before building any tech tools on it.
I got accepted at Entrepreneur First in Singapore, a global startup program focusing on deep-tech that I aspired to join since 2020 but never got accepted (I applied 2 times before) till last year I was scouted by the Partner to join the program. Funny thing tho, I felt like it came at the right time as at the time when I was scouted, Meyer Food reached the stage where it could run independently without my presence.
Of course I said yes as I was determined to find a technical co-founder for my startup journey. When I joined the program, I found myself completely immersed in the technical and business-oriented mindset of the people around me. It felt like I was surrounded by like-minded individuals, and even during lunch breaks, our conversations revolved around startups. During the program, I formed two teams. The first idea was to create an HR tech platform for remote talent, and the second was to develop robots for vertical farming.
In case you’re not familiar with Entrepreneur First, it’s a global venture accelerator program originally based in London. They invest in founders who they believe have the potential to create a global startup with both exceptional technical and commercial expertise. While I was eager for these ventures to succeed, I faced a setback when I had a falling out with my co-founder and chose not to proceed to the Investment Committee. I also received advice from previous EF founders emphasizing the importance of finding the right co-founder rather than simply pursuing funding, a perspective I wholeheartedly agreed with.
After that program, I tried my way again to find a technical Co-Founder and got accepted into Antler in Singapore. It’s also a global venture accelerator program to find Co-Founder. Again this time, I got a chance to pitch till the IC phase but unfortunately did not get the funding. I was not that disappointed because of this, as it actually allows me to search for what I am looking for. Furthermore, these 2 programs not just expose me to have a global network of fellow founders, but also new friends for life.
Redirected to my initial vision. Everything that we dream of is on the other side of fear. Embrace it.
I derive immense satisfaction from building something entirely from the ground up, and it’s even more rewarding when others see its value. I have a genuine passion for teaching, mentoring, and leveraging my network to connect people when it leads to valuable connections. I’ve come to understand that I’m not the type of person who is solely motivated by money; chasing financial gain alone doesn’t fulfill me.
In hindsight, I can see that I missed out on some fantastic opportunities that came my way, especially during my time with Meyer Food. There were times when startup founders explored with me If I’d be keen to join their well-funded ventures or take on leadership roles in established startups. But do I regret it now? Not at all as I also recognize that I don’t want to perpetually complain or feel unsatisfied if I’m only working for monetary rewards.
I’m on the lookout for a path where I can earn, continue learning, and genuinely fulfill my purpose.
The exposure to meet the some of the brightest minds in the world made me insecure yet it reminded me again and again to view people in a horizontal perspective instead of a vertical one.
Do I ever feel stressed or confused? Definitely! when I was at my lowest point, I kept reminding myself that the sun would rise. Do I have any FOMO? Of course! especially with the spotlight in the startup world. But again I am aware it is all temporary feelings. In reality, my primary task is to discover my inner motivation and seek out what truly holds meaning for me, even when no one else acknowledges it. Success can take many forms, and it’s a concept that only we can define for ourselves. We have the freedom to choose our path, whether it leads us to the right or left, and it’s ultimately up to us.
If you’re reading till this part and If you’re encountering a similar situation, I hope it could encourage you to search internally and listen to your heart.
While there are many changes happened in my life, I learned 3 values this year: acceptance, gratitude and patience.
This year I learned 3 things:
- Acceptance
When I experience FOMO, it’s incredibly tempting to draw comparisons between my life and what’s portrayed in the superficial world of social media. However, I consciously remind myself to look inward, value the small things, strive for excellence in those seemingly insignificant areas, and trust that these efforts will gradually yield more substantial results over time. I steer my focus towards comparing my progress with my own past self.
Accepting the radical truth that with my current situation, I still need to learn and relearn and relearn again and again. Embracing myself thoroughly the high and the low, the good and the bad as perfectly imperfect.
2. Gratitude
I deeply cherish the authentic bonds I share with both my longtime friends and those I’ve recently met. My journey has led me to embark on a venture where I link Indonesian students with global tech hubs. I wouldn’t have reached this point if it weren’t for the subtle encouragement I received from my friends. Thanks to Denny, my good friend from Antler who consistently told me that my passion lies in this student-focused endeavor and no need to worry about the tech part, and also Thanks to Paco, who builds Farmio, and became my first paying customer who bolstered my early confidence in this venture.
Thanks to Bu Renny, my Co-Founder/boss/friend who gave me the privilege to roll the ball and start out Meyer Food, and all the Meyer Food team who trusted me. Good old days and I feel your love team!
In my early days a few years back thanks also to Varun who builds Supertails (now it’s a leading pet marketplace in India) who kept telling me to do something for my own country and to Kunal, who builds Polymerize, who kept reassuring me that there are still numerous opportunities to innovate within the education sector.
On a personal note, I am also grateful for the enduring bonds I share with my dearest friends, Titik and Sani, Congrats on your new baby! and to Shintaro my long-lost friend in London whom I haven’t had the chance to meet in person since I returned to Jakarta seven years ago following my time in London. Nevertheless, despite the physical distance, we manage to connect via video calls one or two times every single year to exchange life updates.
I am also reconnecting with my old college friends as well and I am valuing more and more of a sincere and genuine connection with others, plus being kind to everyone whom we come across in life!
3. Patience
I’ve always been inclined to rush into things, and when applied correctly, it can be advantageous. I thrive in fast-paced environments and tend to become restless when things remain stagnant. However, I remember my early days at Meyer Food, where I complained every day (though I never quit) because I felt anxious whenever the truck driver would call me at 3 or 4 AM, signaling a problem or at times when my team could not tackle the small problems on the ground. Despite every issue being resolved promptly, I struggled internally with impatience in dealing with these challenges.
When I started out my solo venture about 2 months ago, I slowly built and found more clients. A couple of mistakes and got scolded by my client lol, tho it is still small, I practice and learn to appreciate the journey genuinely. It is not a one-night success. However, I practice having more and more patience, when things get boring and when more and more people reject me, while at the same time experimenting and exploring where should I direct this venture. Be patient when you see no result yet, be patient when your client complains as it gives chance to tremendously improve yourself, and be patient when you feel alone and things get boring. As most successful entrepreneur says: consistency and hyper-focus is the key!
Indeed, I find myself back at square one. Have I experienced personal growth? Absolutely, both on a personal and professional level. Even though I haven’t completely figured everything out yet. I still remember the initial reasons that led me to start this journey, and I do not want to have any regrets in the future. Additionally, I’m becoming more self-aware, thanks to the individuals around me whom I have crossed paths with. You have indirectly contributed to this through our interactions and conversations.
If you feel yourself encountering a similar phase, I personally hope this story will inspire you in any small way that we got this! Plus If any of you are looking to hire Indonesian talents, please connect with me:D
#entrepreneurship #selfjourney #selfawareness #personaldevelopment #education